This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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