There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
