and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
