that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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