We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
