mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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