1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
