john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
