I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything