So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
