ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
