just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
