Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
