Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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