Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
