if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
