my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
