He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
