Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
