So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
