last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
