I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
