Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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