I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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