Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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