who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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