it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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