If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
