I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
