Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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