I wish I could punch you in the face.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
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this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
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Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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