Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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