Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
