You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
