Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
