she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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