Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
