Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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