I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
