It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
