i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I would ride that face into the sunset
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
