just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
