sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
