It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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