upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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