You really coming over, don't trick.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
