I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize