Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
