Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
