I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
