it hurts more in the daytime
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
