I will die if light touches me.
Michael Bay diarrhea
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
