I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
