And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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