In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
