I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
