He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
