I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it because I queefed?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
