i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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