OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
