It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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