i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
