That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
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she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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