i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
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He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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