There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
