What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
