Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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