I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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