I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
