Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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