i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
