If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
